How dowry in India isn’t as bad as you think

There are few communities in India where the Man pays the girl’s family to get married.But in most parts of India, the Girl’s family pays the Dowry.Marriage in Indian is a complicated institution.The Girl is responsible for the Dignity, Prestige, Hawkins ūüėČ in the law’s home.Anything in India has a base theory, and I call this the evolution theory for Dowry.

Mythologically

Every Wedding in Hindu Mythology says that either the Groom or the Bride’s family pays for the wedding and the Newly wed’s are showered with loads of things required to start their new Home.Take anybody for instance
1. Meenakshi Sundereshwaran
2. Padmavathi Srinivasa
3. Devayani Subramaniyam
4. Seetha Rama
and much more…
Everyone pays dowry, it may be wealth, kingdom, power or respect. They paid a price for their marriage.

Historically

Many scriptures and Books suggests that Dowry system was prevalent in Chola, Pandya and Chera period. Giving dowry was generally prevalent * *Annual Report on Indian Epigraphy, 39 of 1925  from the evidence of literature.We could guess that gold, jewels, instruments, furniture, household article, and land were given by way of dowry. Dynasties were merged and great wars were avoided and were named as Political Marriages. Something was promised in return for the marriage.

Politically

Once upon a time, there was a wealthy man in a Village. He had only one daughter and got her married to a rich merchant in the city. As the wedding day approached the wealthy man was sad that he wouldn’t be able to see his daughter as often, as she would be living in the city far away from him.So he gifted the couple with many many gifts. First, the groom was reluctant in accepting the gifts and said he is wealthy enough to look after his wife. But the wealthy man said this is for my daughter’s happiness.
Now the King heard about the wealthy man’s gift to his daughter and decided to do the same for his daughter’s wedding.Seeing this the ministers and merchants started giving gifts to their married daughter and said this is for my daughter’s happiness.Seeing this the Subjects(people) started giving gifts in their capacity to their married daughter and said this is for my daughter’s happiness.¬†This practice is so trending that till today parents are gifting the newly wed couple and say this is for my daughter’s happiness…

Practically

Today in Modern day India dowry is not demanded. It’s given voluntarily. Based on the tag.You want a boy for marriage, you get one with a price tag depending on your choices like owning a House, Car, Onsite job/Government job, No in law’s problem.There would be a complaint saying the girl’s wanting settled boys and hence they have to pay the price. When they stop expecting they need not pay so much. But that is not the case, every boy either directly or indirectly sets the price.Read further to understand…

 

How does this selection process happen in the boy’s family?

Basic Qualification:

Long Hair, Cooking, God Fearing (Bhakthi), No talking back, Passionless, Balancing work and personal life.

Extra Qualification:

Merits: Fair Complexion, Slim, Graduation, Car, House, Gold, Sliver.
Demerits: Dark Complexion, Plumpy(fatty), Divorcee in family, no male sibling, either one parent not alive, inter-caste marriage within the family etc

First, the girl’s family status and the background is Checked.The Girl’s working capability, Education/Salary, Career growth, etc are checked.During the Pre-Wedding talk the dowry is fixed. This is in general, now there is another category who approach only in their status/region/circle, they know that their needs will be met without any screening process.

But there is a catch…
Ultimately your daughter is going to use them.
Do (Give) what is respectable for you.
Do (Give) as much as you love your daughter.
And just add a line ” We don’t take dowry” but will not say No when given. Its all about sounding “politically correct”.

Actually

Say the wedding cost is paid by the girl’s family. Consider this the Capital/ Downpayment.The girl’s family keeps paying/ Gifting for all occasions after the wedding. Consider this the lifetime Installments. Usually, the boy’s family decide the wedding itineraries and fixes the wedding cost or trousseau directly or indirectly. Now consider the boy to be the Product.
So basically you have brought a product it¬†with a Capital called wedding for a lifetime installments through gifts/trousseau. Disclaimer:¬†The girl’s brother is a product to somebody else. It’s a circle.

The karuth is what I am saying is…

Marriage is an equal partnership firm right from the beginning.You just cannot expect one person to be an investment partner and working partner.Share the load equally and enjoy the profits together.¬†It is as simple as in the children’s game “House” or “play grown up”, ( A traditional game, a form of make believe where children take on the roles of a family). I will bring Rice you bring Pulses.I will cook it and you do the dishes.We will eat together.

 

2017-06-06T18:58:39+00:00